Well, how to begin? After such an emotional and tiring week it is hard to think of a place to start. A brief overview perhaps?
This week was a lot different, because I worked in a boys' cabin. Boys can be a blast....if they behave. haha We had six little boys from age 6-age 10. RAMBUNCTIOUS!!!!! At the beginning of the week I didn't know if I would be able to survive some of them, but by the time I left they were all precious to my heart. I had five that had kidney disease(four with transplants..yay!) and then one with a left heart syndrome.
Kidney disease stunts growth at times and one of our boys was six, yet only two feet tall. He was beautiful...sometimes the other boys treated him as a baby and I think it upset him a lot. The only time we had trouble out of him was after the others excluded him. One of my eight year olds could always make you smile! Every day he had something to say that would make your day so much brighter and you wouldn't even worry about how tired or cranky you were. Each of the boys had some way...even if it was rare...to make you feel happy to be there. Whether it be their smile or the way their imagination soared while they swam in the pool. It brings a smile to my face as I think of them right now.
So much energy, so much ADHD, so much boy! haha
I ended up having to leave mid-day Thursday. I had felt sick all day and eventually my supervisors sent me home. It's actually a good thing, because I got worse when I got home. Friday I woke up fine! This made me sad, I wish the sickness had waited until Friday so that I could finish out my time with the boys, but I know it was all God's Will. It was so hard not saying good-bye...maybe that was His Plan, to save me from the emotional strain of having to hug them good-bye.
Now I think I'll move on to the tough stuff....
It wasn't all fun and craziness though, there was so much pain last week. Those beautiful children were put through so much and are going through so much that it is heartbreaking. Every kid there had a scar or multiple scars from operations or tubes hanging from them or just anything that their disease control required. I could feel and see the healing hands of God, and in those moments I could feel Him whispering to me that He was using me to be those hands for these kids. What an incredible feeling. I can't even begin to fathom why God would chose me to carry out this mission, but He has, and I will honor it with my entire life.
I held all the emotions bottled up at camp, but when I would leave it would hit me. I lost it once or twice. At times I would question why God would allow such a thing to happen to a child, but then I would thank Him for allowing them to be alive and be here to show us what life is all about. God has a purpose for each and every child there and it is beautiful to know this truth.
Working this past week has, without a doubt, shown me what God has given me and what He has in store. He has shown me so much the past two weeks...hard stuff...but He has me there for a reason. I knew working this summer would be hard, but it's much more than I expected. All I can do is pray for God's strength and know that I am there for a purpose. His heart breaks just as much as mine and for some reason I feel that's a huge part of why He is using me this way. I am prayerfully preparing myself for my next week, which starts on the 1st, and I hope you will join me in this prayer wrestling.
Here is a simple prayer I wrote down in my Camp Journal:
"God, I pray that you will give me the strength of your Son as He faced heartache. Help me to stand strong for the weak just as He did. Give me a Garden in which I can fall at your feet and weep...and in which you will comfort me."
When Christ was here on Earth He served the lowly and the broken selflessly. He did it with strength and courage, but in His secret place with His Father He let it all go. Asking God...why? Even when He knew He faced the cross He braved it with honor...but in that secret place He cried out.
One thing I need more than anything as I work at camp is a very special place in which I can fall at the feet of my Father and let it all go. Please be praying that I find this "Garden" while I am there.
Thank you so much for your prayer and support!